Sometimes I wonder . . .

Sometimes I wonder why Haiti just can't get a break. Rampant poverty. Environmental degradation. A floundering government. A series of four tropical storms and hurricanes that devastated much of the country, killing hundreds. Then the school collapse last week that killed over 90 people, most of them school kids.

And now today, ANOTHER school collapse. Just a few hours ago, another school in Port au Prince collapsed. This just happened, so details are sketchy at this point, but it doesn't look like anyway died. But still . . .

Besides updating you on our family, our work, Gabriela's adoption, etc, Esther and I have used this blog to tell positive stories about Haiti. But that is not always an easy thing to do. It's easy to see this challenges as isolated incidents, but in reality, there are all very connected. Haiti is a strangely and beautifully chaotic place, and there are LOTS of POSITIVE things happening here, but I just don't understand why Haiti can't get a break sometimes.

Let's hope for one . . . like a good harvest season, like a big football win over a rival country, like something positive from our friend Obama, like a serious government, like subtle shifts in the way people treat and interact with one another . . .

I, for one, am doing my best to remain positive.

M

School Collapse

There was a palpable buzz as I left a meeting at the EU offices this morning, and unfortunately, the news was not good. Part of a school collapsed this morning in Petionville. Details are still sketchy at this point. Early reports were saying the entire school had collapsed filled with 700 hundred students. Thankfully, that was not the case. However, the top floor of one whole wing of the school appears to have come down and crushed the floors below it. Latest reports are saying that there are at least a dozen confirmed deaths and more than 50 kids still trapped. The government does not have the kind of search and rescue resources to deal with these kinds of emergencies and there are urgent calls all over the radio for equipment to help free these kids.

It's a sad and scary story that is just beginning.

Sweaty hugs

Gabriela and I are house sitting. Our friends Josh and Marylynn are in Canada right now and they are letting us stay at their place until we find something for ourselves. Its a nice place in Petionville, a second story apartment with a nice breeze coming through it. The day we came back from Canada together, I immediately noticed a potential child hazard. The main entrance door at the top of the stairs has the kind of lock that automatically locks when you close it - so unless you have a key, you can't get back in. I right away warned Martha (Gabriela's nanny) about it and told her never to go downstairs unless she had keys with her. I also told her I would get a copy made to hide in the garage.

Well, tonight after a long day out visiting friends, doing laundry, going to my office for a few hours, Gabriela and I came home. We had some food, cleaned up a bit and then had a shower. We were hanging out some clothes to dry when I remembered that we were low on water, so I quickly ran downstairs to turn the pump on while Gabriela was taking down the socks I had just hung up.

I threw the pump on and then headed up the stairs, only to see the light pouring through the doorway quickly dim as the door clicked shut. Gabriela had pushed it closed. That moment was a blur, but I'm pretty sure I swore. I ran to the top of the stairs and asked Gabriela if she could open the door. It's a bit tricky for her to open it and I'm not sure she's ever really done it before. She couldn't do it and I couldn't explain it. So, I asked her to get the keys. She loves playing with keys and definitely knows what they are and what they are used for. She ran to the kitchen and I heard her climb up on a chair to grab the keys I had thrown down there when we came home. I heard her running back with keys jingling! Yes, saved! I asked her to give them to me, but she wanted to stick them in the keyhole on her side, which she couldn't do either. Then she dropped them and as I peeked under the crack under the door, I saw that they were the keys for my office. Yikes!

"Gabriela, please go get the OTHER keys." Pitter patter as she runs back to the table, and I hear keys again!!! Great. This time I convince her to push them under the door to me. Wrong keys - these were my car keys. This whole time I am freaking out in my mind because there is absolutely no way to get in the house besides this door. All the windows are barred and the only other door is the same kind of door coming down from the roof.

I forgot to mention, I am only wearing my boxers this whole time. So I'm imagining having to go the neighbours or something, ask them to help me somehow. Until I realize that I'm actually locked in the garage - because we padlock the garage from the inside - that key is on the same key chain still on the table somewhere. I'm talking to her very gently, trying not to sound worried or stressed so she doesn't freak out. She's handling it all very well but I start to imagine the worst - sleeping in the stairwell until the nanny comes the next morning, with Gabriela stuck inside the whole time.

I forgot to mention that I am also sweating buckets.

"Ok Gabriela, can you please go get the OTHER keys, the ones with the pink holder."

"Ok papa," she says as she hits the floor running for the kitchen again.

This time she comes back with the right keys. She pushes them under the door and I open it.

SAVED. I give her a HUGE sweaty hug.

So sweaty that she pushes me away and says, "Papa bath?"


How could you be mad at eyes like these!???

Gabriela Goes to School

Just thought I'd share the big event of the day. Gabriela went to "school" for the first time today! We enrolled her at a Montessori school, which starts out with a day-care and then moves on to Kindergarten and then regular school. She'll probably do about 3-4 months in the day-care part and then move up to another level.

It's a nice place, called Boucle d'Art. I will bring her everyday between 7 and 7:30 and Martha will pick her up at 3 (except Fridays, which is 1:00). When Esther comes back we'll figure out another schedule.

It took me a while to get her there. I wanted to bring her earlier in the week but IOM lost 2 vehicles (and our entire office) in Gonaives and so they sent my truck to Gonaives - so I've been without for most of the week.

I think she's really going to like it! As you all saw this summer, she loves people, loves kids and loves to get involved in activities. She'll have a lot of fun.

I've been preparing her to go for the last few days, telling her we were going to school, that she was going to play with other kids, etc. I even bought her a new backpack in Canada and she loves it. This morning we got the backpack out and she got so excited. She rushed to get dressed and then put it on! She kept saying "airplane, airplane, airplane." I think she thought we were going on an airplane because she got to carry her own bag when we went on the plane last week!

Anyway, enjoy the pics!

Haiti Update

Some of you have been asking how I am - I'm fine. Haiti has been hit by four tropical storms/hurricanes in quick succession. It's currently raining and overcast this morning with the spinoff of Hurricane Ike, the eye of which is passing north of Haiti right now. Damage assessments are still being done but it's clear that there has been significant damage. The situation in Gonaives is the worst, and many say Hanna produced results worse than Hurricane Jeanne in 2004 (which hit Haiti the day after Esther and I arrived in Haiti). The number of deaths won't reach that of Jeanne, but the actual damage is said to be worse. I've spoken to my friends in Dezam, where we lived for 3 years, and the damage to crops is also extensive. Banana crops, sugar cane, avacados which were ripe on the trees - all this has been lost in many parts of the country. Many people had been preparing to plant their rice crop and the rice nurseries, at least in that part of the Artibonite were washed away.

You can read a lot more on major news sites. I found a few photo galleries for those interested in seeing pictures. Two good ones are here:

Le Nouvelliste: click on "L'actualites en Photos" on the left side of the page near the top.

MINUSTAH (the UN mission in Haiti)

I despair the fact that this only sets Haiti further back. Damage to national food production and the massive amounts of imported food aid is going to deepen the long-term food crisis here. School is set to begin this month, but it is expected that it will be delayed. Many schools have been damaged and it will be a while before they can be ready to receive students.

On a positive note, after 4 months of political instability, the Prime Minister (Michele Pierre Louis) was ratified on Friday. Hopefully this will result in improved coordination and progress.

Personally, I am ok. I'm a bit wiped out from how crazy work has been this past week. Apparently, unloading 50 tonnes of relief supplies off an airplane with 24 hours notice, finding a depot for it, getting it to the depot on 6 tractor trailers, and then loading them back up onto trucks the next day to send to all corners of the country on terrible roads after a devastating hurricane has knocked out bridges, flooded all kinds of areas and killed hundreds of people is not as easy as it sounds.

I am supposed to take vacation on Tuesday. Esther and I were going to meet up in NYC and then I was going to go up to Ontario to be with Gabriela and family and friends. I may need to stay for a while though, because of work demands. I should know by tomorrow. I really want to go, but at the same time, I feel the need to stay to help out at work. An unfortunate dilemma.

Please pray for people who are dealing with fall-out of this whole thing.

Ayiti Cheri.

MVG.

Hanna Update

We're all dealing with the fallout from Hanna, which hit Haiti relatively unexpectedly. Damage assessments are still being done but there is very clearly damage in many parts of the country. Official deaths are 14 at this point, but many expect it to rise still. Gonaives is still under a fair bit of water. Damage will be felt in housing but also, significantly in terms of damage to agricultural production.

Storms #3, 4 and 5

Gustav passed Haiti and left around 60 dead, minor flooding and lots of damaged homes. We thought Hanna would pass well north of us, but last night there was heavy rain for much of the night, especially in the north. At this point, we don't know of the damage, but we do know that much of the city of Gonaives is flooded. You'll recall that Gonaives was where Hurricane Jeanne hit in 2004 killing more than 1000 people. At some parts of the city, there is more than 3 meters of water. Our office is completely flooded there. In the wake of Hanna is Ike and another tropical storm developing. Stay tuned, and pray for those affected, including friends trying to get out of Haiti since last week.

Storm #2: Gustav

Here comes our second big storm - Gustav. Last weekend's Fay wasn't too serious - except the tragic accident when a bus tried to cross a river. This storm is shaping up to be bigger. It's already raining pretty hard out there. We're at the top end of the larger red area.

Rainy Weekend

This is the weekend I am expecting here in Haiti. "They" say its going to be a busy hurricane season.

so blue

so STRONG

Gabou & Diane (Plug) and Gabou at Oma & Opa's

Freedom

I told Gabriela that we were going the market but instead we went to Market City.

She was thirsty. So we went to the closest freezer and we bought a purple smoothie because purple is our favourite colour and we thought it might taste as good as purple pop. But instead it was BLACKBERRIES, BOYSENBERRIES, RED RASPBERRIES, STRAWBERRIES, BLUEBERRIES, APPLE JUICE, and BANANA (obviously, that would of been our next guess). The was a little note on the bottle that said "no sugar added" - is there anyone (besides the 6 000 000 000+ people who don't make up elite North Americans) that doesn't know yet that sugar is BAD. The juice was good anyway. We weren't completely sure how we felt about the smoothie not until we read the side panel under "Why you should feel good about what's in this bottle." And then we were feeling real good. So good that we didn't even read about why but we did momentarily ponder what "flash pasturized" would look like as we sipped some more "100% juice/puree Smoothie." It was an "ALL NATURAL" experience. Luckily it's recyclable if we would ever want to feel that good again.

We drank more until we felt like we had been blasted by "a wellness that only Mother Nature could provide" (must have been the B6 or B12 or vitamin A or vitamin C or the WATER) and we decided to do some more shopping. We were very careful to buy organic, free range, green and unbleached, cage free, healthy, low fat, sugar free, gluten-free, dairy-free, and soy-free, fairly-traded, and local with added Acai and/or kombu and whose labels started with "on our farm. . . but not from Earthbound Farms (because Michael Pollen told us in his book that it's a mega farm and also we heard a news program about how California is running out of water) and without any high fructose corn syrup, or transfats, or razor blades. Gabriela helped out by bring everything that was just in her reach over to the cart: Koolaid, organic fruit loops with natural dyes, bonbons, other boxes of stuff too trendy for me to remember or say in public.

Then we looked around for a treat.
Then we looked around for a treat #!#)*()*&*!!@$

The checkout was cashier free so we pushed the button that said "call cashier". She helped us scan our items and get the total so we could pay with our credit card because our pockets were cash free. Had the cashier still been there, we would have told her that we don't need plastic bags because we want the world to be plastic bag free world and why she should be too but she was already back at her podium.

When we got home, I made a vegetarian, gluten-free, lactose-free, free range dinner without any added transfats or sugar, MSG, broccoli or raisins or any food at all which served me well because I've kind of forgotten how to cook. Instead I had a cigarette, well I wanted to, but it was a smoke free zone.

this is freedom in the true north strong and free
this is freedom and the home of the brave

we can only move as fast as we all can move Ram Dass

market observations
from our travels in Canada and the USA

EdG July 2008

a note to our many hosts in North America: this is my official rant about the big O and not a comment on the GENEROSITY with which shared with us from your gardens, fridges, and snack traps for which we are eternally GRATEFUL. If we were living in North America we'd be buying organic-cranberries-sweetened-with-apple-juice too, in fact WE DO and that's one of the ways we really miss NA when in Haiti!

Gabriela's birth day!

July 2, 2006 Haitians don't celebrate their birthdays, at least not the Haitians in our favourite place in Haiti (Dezam) and/or not the way we celebrate birthdays here in the North with invitations, gifts, and cake. It's not like they don't have parties: weddings, baptisms, funerals, New Year's, Easter etc. These are generally big fun organized events that people save up for. But what Haitians do even better is SHARE the party (maybe a birthday is just a bit too one-person-centered). That means not just SHARING the cake (or rice or pumpkin soup) but sharing the planning, the preparation, the eating, the music, the happiness with everyone within a kilometer (b/c that's at least how loud the music is) and leaving space for the forces of the universe and the gas gods who determine how long the generator is going to keep chugging to keep the music and lights going. So, keeping neither Haitian or Canadian traditions or perhaps both : ) we've decided to share Gabriela's party with everyone, wherever they are, intentionally letting whatever happens happen to just be together, without just making OUR OWN perfect plan-- more of a spontaneous thing focused on being together. This year, for Gabriela's birthday, it was our GREAT honour to spend Gabriela's birthday with GREAT OMA in Grimsby, Ontario with some Christmas candles and some kind of cake we found in Oma's fridge. Thank you OMA ! OMA helped Gabriela blow out her candles and a week later blew out her own birthday candles, 89 of them!!!

Something else happened to me the week leading up to July 2nd. I felt a deep sadness for Gabriela's biological Mama. I hope and pray that we can share Gabriela's birthday and other days with her in our future. In the meantime I grieve the distance we are from her.

hospitality

thank you for hosting us with beds and food and carseats, sweaters and pj's, bikes and locks and diapers, phones and road maps, toys and conversations and Paypal accounts thank you mèsi

specifically we'd like to thank the following people for their generosity and hospitality and for loving us even when we didn't know how to work things, being patient when we said "but in Haiti..." again, wanted to bathe in a bucket in the backyard or opened our exploding suitcase in your house

Dan Van Geest (taxi extraordinaire)
Amaryah, Brett, Eily, deGroot-Woodman
Rachel, Scott, Matthew, Kaia VandenBerg-Hulme
GREAT Oma (Jane De Lange)
Henny and Jerry and Elek De Lange/Reitsma
Marlene & Greg, Jacob, Anna!!! , Caleb
Courtney, Joel, Grayson, and Isabel Van Geest
Ted and Marge Van Geest
Nate Van Geest
Annette, Emma, Brenna
Pasty, Ephraim, Esther Orkar Sagara
Mendelt, Zion, Jacoba, and Zekijah Vanderveen Hoekstra
Ceus Westerhof (thanks for the ride, not to mention waking us up!!!)
Jeff, Mel, and Ronin Van Geest
Trevor, Rebecca, Charlotte, and Audrey WestBam
Amy Lee and Haylee
Tanya, Paul, Saffire, and Krimzin Black
Art and Thea De Groot
there are more but i'm already getting teary eyed from ALL these

"I hurt myself to see if I still feel" (Johnny Cash)

As the airplane banked into Miami, I started to experience something I had never experienced before on a return trip to Haiti – a strong and deep feeling of NOT wanting to go.

We’ve traveled back and forth to Haiti often enough over the past four years and have done lots of traveling besides that. Every other time I felt a sense of excitement to get back there – the sights, sounds, smells, work, friends – our life. This time feels different. On a rational level, I try to explain it away because of the six weeks I spent “alone” (can one ever be alone in Haiti?) in Haiti while Esther and Gabriela were in Canada, and leaving them back in Canada for the next two months. I had a great time with them – Gabriela was so much fun, and it was really good to re-connect with Esther for these two weeks. E and I talked a lot about the “what next” questions: how long do we want to stay in Haiti? Where do we want to go next? Should we try living in Canada for a while? Or do we even want to do that? All of our thoughts and feelings seem to point to not staying in Haiti for a whole lot longer – though don’t ask me to define “a whole lot longer.” These questions and doubts are certainly part of what I am feeling.

There is something deeper going on as well. I’ve been reading a book called “The Hot Zone” about a journalist (Kevin Sites) who is hired by Yahoo!News to travel to and report from 20 active wars/conflicts around the world in one year. It’s a riveting, but terribly sad tale that includes a short report from Haiti. This type of poverty pornography confuses me. It’s exciting to live in a place with such drama surrounding it – to witness first hand the ups and downs of the struggle for something better, and to be part of it if only in a tiny, tiny way. It’s fun to stand around a bonfire in rural Ontario (as I did on this past vacation) being asked about living in Haiti and trying to share and explain something beyond the CNN version of Haiti that most people see. But at the same time, something in me yearns for something different than all that drama. I can easily see myself slipping back into a “normal” life back in Canada. Or maybe somewhere different not so absurdly complicated as Haiti.

So, to drown these feelings of confusion I clicked to Linkin Park on my iPod and cranked it much too loud. The loudness helped. Then, as I strolled through the airport terminal in Miami waiting for my flight to Port au Prince, I put on something a little more chill - I was listening to Johnny Cash, until I got to “Hurt.” The first line is: “I hurt myself to see if I still feel, to focus on the pain, the only thing that’s real.” I wonder if that’s why there is still a draw to Haiti somewhere inside me, or to this kind of life and work in general. Seeing the hurt and pain helps to “keep it real” as the young kids are wont to say these days. Seems so trite, but life in Canada seems so sterile for me right now.

So as I set to board the plan for Haiti, I’m not sure how I feel about it. Confused probably sums it up. We have invested a lot of ourselves in Haiti and our story, now with Gabriela at the centre, is inextricably linked to “the poorest country in the Western hemisphere.” So thinking about not wanting to be there seems like a form of running away – all while my planes, trains and automobiles are bringing me there.

Dear Marie France Meralus, here is your darling....happily attached to the life you gave her two years ago. happy birthday and thank you.

Well it's been five weeks now . . .

...five weeks that we've been here in the True North Strong and Humid. While we've been busy playing in the sandbox with Eily (Gabriela) and doing headstands (me) in yoga class, we've noticed a few things that are different about Canada (specifically Southern Ontario) and Haiti. Yeah yeah, you know these all already: snow, smog, and public bathrooms so we won't bore you with that except to say how blessed we feel to go to the park, the library, ON A BIKE TRAIL! and eat crunchy fruit (apples!!! even if out of season).

What I wrote to tell you is not how Canada is different but how one little Canadian's heart has grown fonder and wider by being away. Of course, over time WHEREVER you might be, things change: Nalgene bottles get banned, babies are born, and car seats are upgraded. And had I been here, I would have changed anyway - turning 30 and becoming a Mama. But I'd like to attribute some of these changes to my dear Haiti and in our case, our "baby" and our Haiti which are welded together.

Here's some of the ways that i am a different Canadian than i was before i left for Haiti:

• I don't plan very well.
• I am better at SHARING- this means food but also the workload and this didn't come easy as our 4 maids (combined over Senegal and Haiti) would be able to tell you how many times i asked them to make a salad or mop the porch and then proceeded to make it or mop it myself or stand over them apologizing while they do it. So I'm getting better at not doing everything! wheh!
  
• I CAN arrive empty-handed and think it's good enough that i've/we've just showed up. (Although I've noticed that i'm a little surprised that people aren't more visibly happy that we've come. Haitians share with Africans well, Senegalese Africans, incredible hospitality.)
• I lay in the grass b/c there's a sign telling me there's no pesticides and and because we miss that grass.
  
• I have LESS stuff. I like giving stuff away more.
  
• I buy less stuff. I care less about what it looks like and MORE about who made it and with what.
• I denied this at first but i'm late. I leave for an event when it starts WITHOUT even referring to a clock. And the best part, i don't even get stressed out.
• I DON'T get mad when the Thai restaurant forgets to pack my jackfruit milkshake or when my friend in Colorado's phone dies in mid-conversation. (I've had three year's practice of letting it go).
• I look black people in the eye when we cross on the street and i smile and i sometimes i ask THEM for directions and we feel awesome.
• I look at a hamburger and wonder where on a cow it comes from.
• I'd rather eat a cricket than a veggie dog b/c at least i know what it is and NO, we don't eat crickets in Haiti and neither do any Haitians.
• TV ? ? ?
  
• I am inordinately surprised at the speed at which juice appears in a glass in front of me. When the glass hits the table, I realize that I was somewhere in another world looking up for the tree with the fruit.
• I speak Creole. I often can't think of the word and i make spelling mistakes in my beautiful and non-fonetik mother tongue (English). I went into a bike store and asked "do you have a child seat that goes devan?" (devant or in the front).
  
• I take cold showers. And by the way, it's an ancient piece of yoga knowledge that cold showers, even in cold climates, improve circulation and strengthen nervous and immune systems not to mention energize you and feel awesome (after the first few days). But Gabriela didn't need anyone to tell her this- she still won't get in the tub but bathes herself by herself in a bucket in the backyard.
• 

So we did pretty well in 3 years depending on how you look at it. And, yes, we're all entitled to a little ethnocentricity now and again, if for nothing else but survival....
OR fear that the earth might have a diversity carrying capacity and we're just about at the LIMIT
OR fear that we might just have to accept others and their cultures as just as good as ours
OR fear that we might have to share

I've been checking the toys stores around here b/c there are some in the neighbourhood and all the toys are lovely and green and all the kids in the toys look like me (when i was a kid). I came out of one the other day and out of nowhere this came into my head "if you're not Dutch, you're not much" and I also remembered how cool it was to be Dutch when i was a kid and how cool Holland is and how I never felt anything less than pride when people ask where my last name comes from. Those were and are the strong roots on which I grew. And then i was momentarily gripped with anxiety at the thought of someone asking Gabriela where she is from and will she be proud to say "I'm Haitian"???? even after she reads "Haiti, the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere..." for the 50th time? And what if she is proud, what will be the reaction of one who asks her? Or what if someone, e.g. Gabriela finds out that i just adopted her b/c I'm fascinated with other cultures and b/c i was couldn't relax enough to get pregnant? but then I was like "CHILL OUT LADY! . . . Remember, you're not making the plan!" And then i was okay b/c i remembered that i'm NOT EVEN TRYING to make the plan. And while we're talking about it (the plan) let me say how much i LOVE how it's turning out, how much I LOVE having Haitian friends who teach me all kind of new things that i never even knew I needed to learn. And how much I ADORE having a Haitian daughter and how much I can't wait to see what else she teaches me. (I wouldn't have been able to make a plan this good). And how happy i am to live in a multicultural country. And how many years, i wonder, would I have to spend in Haiti to be able to face "Haiti, the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere..." with a grin instead of burning the sides of my soul. And how long is it going to take until we realize that we are all rich and we are all poor. We are all proud. We are all a little ashamed. We are ALL.

joy

pee

Second PM Designate Rejected

Preval's second choice for Prime Minister has been rejected by parliament. Haiti is now two months into a political deadlock. Many programs run by the respective ministries are handcuffed and getting new projects off the ground is next to impossible. People are frustrated, especially since these politicians are engaging in a useless power struggle. Tet charje!

M

PORT-AU-PRINCE, 12 juin 2008 (AFP) - Le parlement haïtien a voté jeudi pour déclarer "inéligible" le Premier ministre désigné Robert Manuel, choisi par le président René Préval.

Après deux heures de débat, l'assemblée a voté par 57 voix contre 22 et 6 abstentions en faveur de la recommandation d'une commission parlementaire, chargée d'étudier le dossier du Premier ministre désigné Robert Manuel, qui avait auparavant déclaré "inéligible" le choix du président René Préval.

La commission est composée de sept membres représentant les différents partis politiques haïtiens siégeant au Parlement.

C'est la deuxième fois que le choix d'un nouveau Premier ministre par le président René Préval est rejeté. Dans un premier temps, René Préval avait désigné un ami personnel, Ericq Pierre, au poste de Premier ministre, mais ce choix avait été rejeté par la chambre basse du Parlement haïtien.

Le 26 mai, René Préval avait ensuite choisi Robert Manuel, une autre personnalité très proche de lui.

cre/ms/cel

© 1994-2008 Agence France-Presse

Peaceful Protest (??)

A peaceful march has been called for today in downtown Haiti. Civil society groups have been mobilizing for the last few days to have people come out and protest against the increasing levels of insecurity in the country - especially kidnapping. There have been a few high profile kidnappings, including the young Canadian woman and a number of young students, including a 16 year old who was brutally murdered. We've noticed a rise in insecurity in our target areas at work, and have even considered pulling out of one particularly challenging area - as a pressure tactic to get the police and MINUSTAH to maintain pressure on gangs and criminals.

At the same time, parliament is in the middle of processing Robert Manuel, the Prime Minister nominated by Preval. It's really unclear if he will be approved by the Senate and Parliament. Some have suggested that Preval would not have nominated him without securing support beforehand, while others have been extremely critical, especially since Manuel is so close to the President.

Hunger and food insecurity remains a huge issue. Money is pouring into Haiti right now. I only hope it gets used effectively, with long-term investments in agriculture and not just simple, quick fixes. If history is any indication, this will be a challenge.

Today's march is a big deal. I hope it can be pulled off without any incidents of violence. Standing up to criminals and kidnappers is not an easy task. People are very afraid because these people wield tremendous power and are tied to people with even more (social, economic and political) power.

I'll let you know how it goes . . . mvg.

Lonely

It's late . . . I'm staying up to find out who wins Game 5 of the Stanley Cup Finals. I'm hoping for the Penguins. It's into the second overtime now. As I sit here aimlessly meandering around the internet, mostly reading things on Haiti, I'm amazed at all the good people there are in the world. We've written before about our frustration with the bad rap that Haiti gets. We have another post in the works on that, based on the recent kidnapping of the young woman from Canada (she was released late last week). So when I read through the blogs of many of the people living and working here in Haiti, I'm thankful that there are people who genuinely love and care for a place like Haiti. You have to have lived in Haiti to understand its absurd reality, the strange mix of beauty and pain, and the daily reminder of the value of life and love in the face of deep poverty.

On another topic, I've been thinking a lot about loneliness. Frankly, it sucks. Esther and Gabriela have been in Canada for a few weeks now . . . and I can't really say that I've enjoyed it. I miss Gabriela like crazy. Esther too of course, but I so miss Gabriela. Sure, its been nice to have some freedom and time on my own, but evenings and weekends have been dreadfully boring. I've fallen into bad habits . . . like staying up late surfing the net, watching too many movies, and eating crappy food. I'm embarrassed to admit that I had macaroni and cheese (not KD) for dinner last night. Esther would kill me! Before they left, I thought a lot about what I wanted to do with this time. I haven't gotten there yet, but I'm working on it. So yeah, loneliness - I think I might have more to say on that in the future. In the meantime, I'm gonna get my ass in gear and start on spanish lessons and try to do some woodworking!

Random addition: I think I've mentioned my friend Kurt here once or twice. He has a great post about a bathroom door meeting with Bill Clinton! Oh that it were true . . .

It's now the end of the second overtime and I can't stay up anymore. My empty bed awaits.

making music with Mendelt and Zekijah

GREAT to see you M and Z

telling stories to great uncle Jerry and greatest aunt Henny in downtown Grimsby

Oma and G

fun times at Evergreen Terrace, Grimsby, May 25, 2008

first impressions of Canada 1....SAFETY FIRST

Eily....LOOK OUT! It's Gabu the Affectionate

Gabu meets Kaia

cousins

bizou for Gabriela
from Eily

ON THE WAY TO CANADA!!!

Esther and Gabriela are on the way to Canada!!!!!

Esther got the visa at the Canadian embassy this morning at about 9:30, rushed to the airport and got on standby. It wasn't until the very last minute that they got a ticket - she said she was the LAST person to get a ticket on the standby list. She then rushed through immigration, security and almost straight on to the plane! Then I quickly bought a ticket for them online for the Montreal to Toronto portion. Gabriela will touch Canadian soil for the first time around 6:20 tonight, then in Toronto around 11. Our cousin Dan is picking them up and bringing them to Amaryah's house in KW.

I can honestly say that these have been three of the craziest and most stressful days of our lives. Last night was nice because we had some friends over to relax a bit, but I feel like I haven't slept in a week. It's a miracle that we got everything done, a real, genuine miracle. Thanks so much to all of your for your notes, thoughts and prayers. It all made a difference for us.

For those of you who will be seeing Gabriela for the first time, enjoy!!!!! I miss them already, but we'll be together in July, probably in Vancouver.

Love,

Matt (and Esther and Gabriela who are somewhere over the Caribbean right now!)

Gabriela's Visa!!!

Just got news from Esther that she has the Canadian visa for Gabriela! Late yesterday the embassy asked her to come back this morning because "they had a few questions." We weren't sure what that meant, but our guess was that they just wanted to make sure Gabriela was coming back to Haiti - because she is going on a "tourist" visa and not an immigrant visa, like most adopted kids. Since we plan on staying in Haiti, that wasn't a problem and they gave her a multiple entry visa for the next 18 months, which is plenty of time for us to work out her Canadian citizenship and get her on a Canadian passport. And she can travel freely back and forth to Canada.

Now . . . Esther is at the airport trying to get a ticket. Air Canada flies Tuesdays and Air Transat Wednesdays, both direct to Canada thus avoiding travel through the states (which is another visa). She is on the standby list for Air Transat today and we should know by noonish if they are going to get on. Gabriela is home with Martha (her nanny) and we have a ride arranged for Gabriela to get to the airport.

We are very hopeful and thankful that this is all falling into place. I will feel much better when I get the call saying they have a ticket . . . and I'll let you know when I know!

M

PASSPORT!!!

here's the news from here:
We have the passport!

We have a meeting tomorrow morning at the Canadian Embassy- they know our case (they looked at it today) but they want to meet with me tomorrow...we don't know exactly why but they may want to make sure we're not going to stay in Canada on a visitors VISA. So that's not a problem b/c we're coming back home to this sunshine! Keep the prayers rising...we're getting on a plane tomorrow!

in between cultures

We're coming to Canada TOMORROW si Bondye vle (if God wills it), or maybe Friday but soon anyway-- one two all three of us (eventually) for an extended visit! . . . here’s what we’re looking forward to and what we’re going to miss too, in random order!

just before those, here's what Wikipedia says about our trip. . .
!!!!! Reverse Culture Shock - Returning to one's home culture after growing accustomed to a new one characterized by anxiety and feelings of surprise, disorientation, confusion, etc. felt when people trying to operate within an entirely different cultural or social environment. These feelings are often combined with strong feelings (moral or aesthetical) about certain aspects of the old culture. The term was introduced for the first time in 1954 by Kalervo Oberg.

Esther- YAAY for blueberries , not being the centre of attention, library, bicycling, seeing many of you, and meeting my many nephews and Isabel

Gabriela- WOO HOO for travelling (so far she loves it), meeting the people that Mama and Papa have been showing me in the photos, ? ? ? ?

Matt (who staying in Haiti May-June but coming to visit in July!)- YIPPEE for getting more sleep, pursuing some hobbies (maybe woodworking, maybe Spanish) meeting Esther & Gabriela in Vancouver

and here’s what we’re going to be sad about:

Esther- MISSING rice & beans , sun, heat, Creole and making jokes in Creole, Matt and being a double parent, Martha (Gabriela’s nanny and a good friend), negative images about Haiti (once when we were visiting Canada someone said "boy the water must really dirty there in Haiti". We had at that point already spent two years drinking out of a mountain rock- YES it's hard to have positive images of Haiti and it's not intentional but not knowing what to say is real for us and probably you too).

Gabriela- MISSING Papa, rice & beans, playing with water, Martha , SO many friends, ? ? ?

Matt- MISSING seeing Gabou grow, sharing my bed w/ two warm bodies, coming home to someone

now more from Wikipedia (no actually, University of the Pacific)...Tips for those who stayed at home when encountering expatriates like us:
1. Support the preparation of the returnees for coming home. This can be done even from far away.
2. Be prepared that a new person – somebody you don’t know – will come home.
3. Mark the reentry clearly for the returnees and for those who stayed at home.
4. Avoid criticism and mockery for seemingly strange patterns of behavior and new attitudes.
5. Be attentive towards your own expectations. Avoid to push the returnee into old roles.
6. Create opportunities for the returnees to report on their experiences. Listen carefully and try to understand their significance for them.
7. Acknowledge that the returnees have lost something: friends, a stimulating environment, the feeling of being special, responsibilities, privileges...
8. Encourage contacts to friends and institutions in the former host country.
9. Encourage contacts to people who have successfully gone through the experience of returning home.
10. Accept critical comparisons of culture and lifestyle – you might be able to learn something...
source: (Dr. Bruce La Brack, School of International Studies, University of the Pacific, Stockton, California (unpublished). Adapted by Peter Stadler, Dr. phil., Goldgasse 8, CH-4500 Solothurn.) www.larissa-becker.de/reverse_culture_shock.html

Update May 12th!

Matt spent his workday in the Haitian Ministry of the Interior with colleagues Toma and Guylene and G's lawyer where both of the important people signed the papers. Just 8 hours for 2 signatures! and including a frantic call to me asking me to e-mail some passport looking photos of the three of us for our file. Our file must be getting really big.

I went to the Canadian Embassy to start the VISA process which you can't start w/o the passport and we don't have the passport yet. . .
but Haiti is full of tomorrows and we have a meeting at 8:30 with THE DIRECTOR. If we can get to the Canadian Embassy by 9:55AM with the new passport in hand then we might get a VISA by tomorrow afternoon.

If not we'll have to get a US transit VISA as well as the Cdn VISA and fly whenever we get both of those.

At this point we are praying for deep breaths and God's will if not a time change around 10 tomorrow morning.

While it's true that THIS has taken forever, forever has flown by and Haiti has/is in this process giving us a living piece of her that, if things continue as they've started, promise endless adventure and discovery.



hope all is good with everyone, love G E M

ps photo is G and one month old Robenski. Isn't he sweet!?

TOUR DATES

G E M's on tour...
(We're so excited to see you all but we want to take it kind of chill because we're not used to the weather not to mention Canada, white people, and lunch that isn't rice and bean sauce and my driver's license is expired- if you want to see us, PLEASE let us know: greatspirit@fastmail.fm and we'll love to make a plan with you! )

May 14- G&E arrive in K-W

19-June 20- Esther: YTT (Yoga Teacher Training) 200 hour intensive.
Gabriela: hanging out with Eily, Matthew, Kaia, their parents other friends in K-W
Saturday May 24-visit great OMA (deLange) at Evergreen Terrace- if there are others in the area who want to meet us here, we are thinking about renting a room for the day, or just finding a park in Grimsby, let us know.

late June- travel to Winnipeg to spend Canada Day and Gabriela's birthday (July 2nd) with Jennifer, Zavi, and Will etc.

early July- meet Matt (finally) in Vancouver to meet Ronin, Audrey, and Charlotte, and spend time with them and their parents

mid-July- travel to a small town in Colorado to visit our friend Tanya Black (who was in our wedding) and her family Paul, Saffire, and Krimzin

later July- travel to Sarnia to Oma and Opa, the beach, bikerides

b/f mid-August- St. Catherines, Fonthill (to meet Isabel), Toronto

later August- back home to Haiti

NEWS BRIEFS from Haiti chèri

PAP (Port au Prince)

- this morning Guylene (our friend, MCC colleague and Gabriela's god-mother) picked up the paper signed by the important person in ARCHIVES

- she spent a few hours at IMMIGRATION to start the passport process

- the file needs to go over to the Ministry of the Interior to be signed by 3 different people

- Friday morning, she will try to get that done in collaboration with a few high level people in the Ministry that Matt has been able to make contact with thanks to help from some other friends with friends

- we are and hoping and praying that the file will be signed in the morning on Friday so Guylene can go back to Immigration to get the passport done. She has friends there who can get the passport done quickly for us. If we get the passport today or first thing Monday morning, we should be all set for the Wednesday departure!

Dezam
-G and I are catching up with old friends and colleagues and loving the SUNSHINE and living outside and sleeping under the stars
-this morning Gabriela said "Brian" (her uncle here) and "benyen" (which means to bathe, her favourite hobby)

keep praying! we're getting somewhere : ) GEM

Saving Gabriela !

It’s official! Gabriela's adoption papers passed through the Haitian courts late February (we didn’t actually know it ourselves until April!). Looking back we can’t imagine how we ever lived without her. Looking further back we can’t believe that we’ve lived here in the Caribbean for nearly 4 years. I vividly remember arriving in Dezam and not being able to imagine how we would live there for 3 years in the heat, in Creole, without Chapters, or mixed field greens but that was a few days before the community showed up at our door l i t e r a l l y to welcome us with Haitian hospitality and curiousity and before we tried pikliz (spicy cabbage salad) and watercress not to mention mangoes, loquats, and Haitian lemonade. . . Now it’s hard to imagine not being here.

Every so often people (Haitians and foreigners) meet us, all three of us, and they compliment us for "saving Gabriela". Every time I hear this the hair on the back of my neck stands on end. So when it happened most recently, I waited until my neck hair when down again and I said to Matt, let's make a list of what we are "saving" Gabriela" from. Here's what we came up with...and we wanted to share it with you.

we saved her from:
• not being able to find books and websites in her first language
• corporal punishment in school
• not having health insurance
• having to work b/c her parents can’t afford to send her to school
• having to stay inside if the protests on the streets get violent
• wearing American hand me downs
• Giardia
• not knowing how to set her alarm on her phone or wake up with anything but the sun or the roosters, or early choir practice
• not ever going tobogganing
• thinking white is better

and we saved her from:
• living with her grandmother
• going to church on Sunday with nearly everyone else
• germs
• trusting in God to meet her in daily needs
• harvesting sugar cane from her garden, loading it on a horse, and riding the horse to the market
• knowing where her food comes from
• shopping in an outdoor market
• having only 1 choice of cereal
• seeing babies being born
• being vulnerable
• seeing sick people and old people die
• knowing how to chill out
• having too few possessions
• riding public transportation
• patience
• mangoes
• fresh juice
• taking her goats out to pasture at dawn
• 363 days of sunshine a year
• rice out of a husk and beans out of a pod
• doing laundry in the sunshine with her feet in the river while chatting with her neighbours (weight machines can’t compete with this muscle toning action)
• having a reasonable ecological footprint
• watching a tarantula spin its legs up effortlessly in marvellous self defence
• knowing how to make rope
• knowing how to make her own soccer ball or kite out of a plastic bag(s)
• knowing how to fix a fuel line with a rock
• pounding her own coffee and not drinking it double, tall, nor with skim or soy
• valuing every drop of water that it takes to fill her jug at the public tap
• looking physical poverty in the eyes every day
• being valued just for showing up

oh, there’s more! we are also saving Gabriela from
• not having the chance to play with toy guns
• not having the chance to watch 4 hours of television per day
• not having the chance to be self conscious about her weight
• not ever finding out what a transfat is
• never going to Walmart
• never having the opportunity to be overwhelmed by opportunities
• not getting to work overtime
• not having the choice to eat local
• not ever having the chance to see 8 lanes of traffic, or even 4
• not having to read a map to get there
• being Afrocentric, or whatever the opposite of Eurocentric

I've noticed that when I pray with Haitians, they say thank you for this food. When I pray with North Americans here in Haiti and beyond, we say thank you for this food and thank you that we are so blessed. What does this blessed mean? Looking at the biblical “blessed”, God blesses everyone, everyone who wants it, everyone who admits they need it.
Specifically...
Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of God.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called the children of God. Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 5: 3-12

I don’t see blessed are those who work overtime, manage their money well, have a free education, are born in Canada, drink bottled water, drive a hybrid car, or have the biggest wood lot. The possessions we have are not going to bless us or save us. What we achieve by worldly standards is not going to get us anywhere but here (on earth) either (unless the worldly standards start to resemble God’s). These things are manifestations of the state of our hearts that can help us or block us from God’s blessings.

We didn’t save Gabriela. I know without a doubt that by adopting Gabriela and introducing her to a “GWO PEYI” (big country, as Haitians appropriately refer to “developed” countries) she will miss out on the blessings God gives the physically poor. If you have ever visited a peasant in their home, you’ll know what I’m talking about. God chose the poor in the world to be rich with faith and to received the kingdom God promised to those who love him James 2:5 (see also: Mark 12:43).

Also, if we didn’t adopt Gabriela there’s a really good chance she would have gone to Holland (her orphanage was a Dutch NGO). She might have become tulip engineer and she might have even liked dropjies. If no one ever adopted her and she stayed here in Haiti she might have become a role model to younger orphans or a human rights activist right here in Port au Prince or even a banana seller. If Gabriela goes to Canada, she might become the governor general (she’s already mastered the wave), or a secretary, the prime minister, a dancer, or a factory worker. And it won’t really matter what she chooses or what chooses her because God works through everyone. In fact, for those of us who are in the habit of feeling “blessed” because water comes out of our taps or when we buy two and get one free, God might even be working overtime, particularly on the days we are feeling like we’re “blessed” because we’ve earned it and we start preaching the gospel of “do it like us” from our car windows. What would the world look like if we were all “blessed” like North Americans. Would we still call ourselves “blessed”? Does our blessed-ness depend on others not meeting OUR “definition” of blessed? I’m asking.

Haiti has blessed us richly. Three plus years later, I can ride a taptap one-handed, carry bananas on my head, walk by half-moonlight, bathe in the river with my neighbours, and live without lettuce and while these might be guides on the road to “blessed”, these are not the true blessings (although the river bathing gets close).

Three plus years and a Haitian baby later I can let the market women rip me off,
spend 15 minutes greeting people at my office, listen to my colleagues, drink juice with an unreasonable amount of sugar just because someone made it for me, and smile at the guys making cat calls at me (this one was a LONG time coming!) Gabriela has been busy chipping away at my hyper-productivity and to everyone’s honour, I’ve been scheduling time to “pa fè anyen” (do nothing). Soon I just might be able to laugh a nice big laugh when things don’t go as planned.

The hair on the back of my neck is sticking up again, for the guard’s 12 year-old son and Gabriela who are chasing each other in the front yard as I type, for the way the human heart gets more generous the less we have, for Haiti who’s fighting whether at home or on the streets for the right to have enough to eat, and for the opportunity to be meek.

Blessed be.

Us all.

Well, it's official. . .

. . . Gabriela's adoption papers passed through the Haitian courts making us all officially adopted late February 2008. We have a few more steps and we need your prayers BIGTIME for this next week before we come on tour!!!

Here are the steps to adopting Gabriela
(when you see one of these: - that's where we are right now)

• Gabriela comes home (July 20, 2006)
• we find and meet our lawyer, Jean-Baptist MEME
• vaccinations
• complete our dossier
• Matt’s fingerprints for some reason had to take several trips to Canada and back
• social services
• Parquet
• letter proving OUR sterility (well actually, MINE, b/c the Haitian government is confident
that no man would ever be sterile)
• Tribunal
• Etat Civil
• decide on Gabriela’s new last name ; )
• Parquet
• Archives
• submit citizenship application with Canadian Embassy
- Haitian Immigration
- Interior
- Immigration again
- Haitian Passport
- Visitor’s Visa to Canada

thank you for your prayers...tour dates coming next!
G E M

The Healing Ceremony

Lots of you have asked about my healing ceremony so I wanted to share a little. The ceremony was held at Janey Wynne’s place, a cottage up above Port au Prince. It was a dark and stormy night until the clouds lifted the reveal the stars and Coleen and Dja wiped down the chairs so we could sit cozy under the open gazebo. Before we sat, the space was prepared with incense (earth and air), water, a candle (fire). And, we all gently sang Gabriela to sleep in Matt’s lap.

To the ceremony we invited all that and who is part of us, past and present.
I lit candles from the centre candle and named each with one of my fears.
Volunteers held the candles and we all prayed for the release of the fears. Then I released the fears one by one extinguishing their light and replacing them with my commitments to walk among others, be authentic in relationships, wholeness, and to trust that my gifts will be transformed in the process.
We prayed.
Drumming brought us back.
Then as we sat in a round, we sewed together a medicine bag, representing my re-member-ing and remembering who i am with out the eating disorder. Into the medicine bag, I put symbols to remind me of my wholeness as part of the whole universe.

The candles were re-lit and my commitments sent into the heavens.
Then we went inside and Amy served us the best chai tea ever.

I am the kind of person who likes to try different things. (duh!) It wasn't until after I graduated from university and had returned to university that i realized if you just do exactly what the teacher says, you will get an A (and that's because that's exactly what the prof. said) I was always trying to do it like that with a creative twist. My creative spirit has brought me into many adventures-- lots of bike trips and skinny dipping, Senegal and chimp tracking etc., not to mention marriage, AND also the 9 year adventure of an eating disorder. The Kikuyu of Kenya say "Coming out of your house is learning." But maybe i would add that you often have to come back home to realize that you've learned something while out and also that how much you learn is proportional to how freaked out you get on the way. In many ways the healing ceremony was my homecoming.

I’m going to do a little advocacy here too regarding eating disorders after having one. 1. do what you love – I like this quote by Audre Lorde (an activist of Caribbean decent): “When I dare to be powerful - to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid". It’s true. 2. don’t comment on people’s weight, good or bad. it’s really a non-issue like height. but it’s also a marketing strategy and it’s making millions by making us think we can change something that we can’t. (that’s why an eating disorder which is about control NOT about food or weight manifests itself in food and weight). we can change how we think about ourselves though, by not by ourselves.

thanks for joining with me in this fight please support the women in your life with confidence and positive role models

Esther STAR child of God