Well it's been five weeks now . . .

...five weeks that we've been here in the True North Strong and Humid. While we've been busy playing in the sandbox with Eily (Gabriela) and doing headstands (me) in yoga class, we've noticed a few things that are different about Canada (specifically Southern Ontario) and Haiti. Yeah yeah, you know these all already: snow, smog, and public bathrooms so we won't bore you with that except to say how blessed we feel to go to the park, the library, ON A BIKE TRAIL! and eat crunchy fruit (apples!!! even if out of season).

What I wrote to tell you is not how Canada is different but how one little Canadian's heart has grown fonder and wider by being away. Of course, over time WHEREVER you might be, things change: Nalgene bottles get banned, babies are born, and car seats are upgraded. And had I been here, I would have changed anyway - turning 30 and becoming a Mama. But I'd like to attribute some of these changes to my dear Haiti and in our case, our "baby" and our Haiti which are welded together.

Here's some of the ways that i am a different Canadian than i was before i left for Haiti:

• I don't plan very well.
• I am better at SHARING- this means food but also the workload and this didn't come easy as our 4 maids (combined over Senegal and Haiti) would be able to tell you how many times i asked them to make a salad or mop the porch and then proceeded to make it or mop it myself or stand over them apologizing while they do it. So I'm getting better at not doing everything! wheh!
  
• I CAN arrive empty-handed and think it's good enough that i've/we've just showed up. (Although I've noticed that i'm a little surprised that people aren't more visibly happy that we've come. Haitians share with Africans well, Senegalese Africans, incredible hospitality.)
• I lay in the grass b/c there's a sign telling me there's no pesticides and and because we miss that grass.
  
• I have LESS stuff. I like giving stuff away more.
  
• I buy less stuff. I care less about what it looks like and MORE about who made it and with what.
• I denied this at first but i'm late. I leave for an event when it starts WITHOUT even referring to a clock. And the best part, i don't even get stressed out.
• I DON'T get mad when the Thai restaurant forgets to pack my jackfruit milkshake or when my friend in Colorado's phone dies in mid-conversation. (I've had three year's practice of letting it go).
• I look black people in the eye when we cross on the street and i smile and i sometimes i ask THEM for directions and we feel awesome.
• I look at a hamburger and wonder where on a cow it comes from.
• I'd rather eat a cricket than a veggie dog b/c at least i know what it is and NO, we don't eat crickets in Haiti and neither do any Haitians.
• TV ? ? ?
  
• I am inordinately surprised at the speed at which juice appears in a glass in front of me. When the glass hits the table, I realize that I was somewhere in another world looking up for the tree with the fruit.
• I speak Creole. I often can't think of the word and i make spelling mistakes in my beautiful and non-fonetik mother tongue (English). I went into a bike store and asked "do you have a child seat that goes devan?" (devant or in the front).
  
• I take cold showers. And by the way, it's an ancient piece of yoga knowledge that cold showers, even in cold climates, improve circulation and strengthen nervous and immune systems not to mention energize you and feel awesome (after the first few days). But Gabriela didn't need anyone to tell her this- she still won't get in the tub but bathes herself by herself in a bucket in the backyard.
• 

So we did pretty well in 3 years depending on how you look at it. And, yes, we're all entitled to a little ethnocentricity now and again, if for nothing else but survival....
OR fear that the earth might have a diversity carrying capacity and we're just about at the LIMIT
OR fear that we might just have to accept others and their cultures as just as good as ours
OR fear that we might have to share

I've been checking the toys stores around here b/c there are some in the neighbourhood and all the toys are lovely and green and all the kids in the toys look like me (when i was a kid). I came out of one the other day and out of nowhere this came into my head "if you're not Dutch, you're not much" and I also remembered how cool it was to be Dutch when i was a kid and how cool Holland is and how I never felt anything less than pride when people ask where my last name comes from. Those were and are the strong roots on which I grew. And then i was momentarily gripped with anxiety at the thought of someone asking Gabriela where she is from and will she be proud to say "I'm Haitian"???? even after she reads "Haiti, the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere..." for the 50th time? And what if she is proud, what will be the reaction of one who asks her? Or what if someone, e.g. Gabriela finds out that i just adopted her b/c I'm fascinated with other cultures and b/c i was couldn't relax enough to get pregnant? but then I was like "CHILL OUT LADY! . . . Remember, you're not making the plan!" And then i was okay b/c i remembered that i'm NOT EVEN TRYING to make the plan. And while we're talking about it (the plan) let me say how much i LOVE how it's turning out, how much I LOVE having Haitian friends who teach me all kind of new things that i never even knew I needed to learn. And how much I ADORE having a Haitian daughter and how much I can't wait to see what else she teaches me. (I wouldn't have been able to make a plan this good). And how happy i am to live in a multicultural country. And how many years, i wonder, would I have to spend in Haiti to be able to face "Haiti, the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere..." with a grin instead of burning the sides of my soul. And how long is it going to take until we realize that we are all rich and we are all poor. We are all proud. We are all a little ashamed. We are ALL.