Freedom

I told Gabriela that we were going the market but instead we went to Market City.

She was thirsty. So we went to the closest freezer and we bought a purple smoothie because purple is our favourite colour and we thought it might taste as good as purple pop. But instead it was BLACKBERRIES, BOYSENBERRIES, RED RASPBERRIES, STRAWBERRIES, BLUEBERRIES, APPLE JUICE, and BANANA (obviously, that would of been our next guess). The was a little note on the bottle that said "no sugar added" - is there anyone (besides the 6 000 000 000+ people who don't make up elite North Americans) that doesn't know yet that sugar is BAD. The juice was good anyway. We weren't completely sure how we felt about the smoothie not until we read the side panel under "Why you should feel good about what's in this bottle." And then we were feeling real good. So good that we didn't even read about why but we did momentarily ponder what "flash pasturized" would look like as we sipped some more "100% juice/puree Smoothie." It was an "ALL NATURAL" experience. Luckily it's recyclable if we would ever want to feel that good again.

We drank more until we felt like we had been blasted by "a wellness that only Mother Nature could provide" (must have been the B6 or B12 or vitamin A or vitamin C or the WATER) and we decided to do some more shopping. We were very careful to buy organic, free range, green and unbleached, cage free, healthy, low fat, sugar free, gluten-free, dairy-free, and soy-free, fairly-traded, and local with added Acai and/or kombu and whose labels started with "on our farm. . . but not from Earthbound Farms (because Michael Pollen told us in his book that it's a mega farm and also we heard a news program about how California is running out of water) and without any high fructose corn syrup, or transfats, or razor blades. Gabriela helped out by bring everything that was just in her reach over to the cart: Koolaid, organic fruit loops with natural dyes, bonbons, other boxes of stuff too trendy for me to remember or say in public.

Then we looked around for a treat.
Then we looked around for a treat #!#)*()*&*!!@$

The checkout was cashier free so we pushed the button that said "call cashier". She helped us scan our items and get the total so we could pay with our credit card because our pockets were cash free. Had the cashier still been there, we would have told her that we don't need plastic bags because we want the world to be plastic bag free world and why she should be too but she was already back at her podium.

When we got home, I made a vegetarian, gluten-free, lactose-free, free range dinner without any added transfats or sugar, MSG, broccoli or raisins or any food at all which served me well because I've kind of forgotten how to cook. Instead I had a cigarette, well I wanted to, but it was a smoke free zone.

this is freedom in the true north strong and free
this is freedom and the home of the brave

we can only move as fast as we all can move Ram Dass

market observations
from our travels in Canada and the USA

EdG July 2008

a note to our many hosts in North America: this is my official rant about the big O and not a comment on the GENEROSITY with which shared with us from your gardens, fridges, and snack traps for which we are eternally GRATEFUL. If we were living in North America we'd be buying organic-cranberries-sweetened-with-apple-juice too, in fact WE DO and that's one of the ways we really miss NA when in Haiti!

Gabriela's birth day!

July 2, 2006 Haitians don't celebrate their birthdays, at least not the Haitians in our favourite place in Haiti (Dezam) and/or not the way we celebrate birthdays here in the North with invitations, gifts, and cake. It's not like they don't have parties: weddings, baptisms, funerals, New Year's, Easter etc. These are generally big fun organized events that people save up for. But what Haitians do even better is SHARE the party (maybe a birthday is just a bit too one-person-centered). That means not just SHARING the cake (or rice or pumpkin soup) but sharing the planning, the preparation, the eating, the music, the happiness with everyone within a kilometer (b/c that's at least how loud the music is) and leaving space for the forces of the universe and the gas gods who determine how long the generator is going to keep chugging to keep the music and lights going. So, keeping neither Haitian or Canadian traditions or perhaps both : ) we've decided to share Gabriela's party with everyone, wherever they are, intentionally letting whatever happens happen to just be together, without just making OUR OWN perfect plan-- more of a spontaneous thing focused on being together. This year, for Gabriela's birthday, it was our GREAT honour to spend Gabriela's birthday with GREAT OMA in Grimsby, Ontario with some Christmas candles and some kind of cake we found in Oma's fridge. Thank you OMA ! OMA helped Gabriela blow out her candles and a week later blew out her own birthday candles, 89 of them!!!

Something else happened to me the week leading up to July 2nd. I felt a deep sadness for Gabriela's biological Mama. I hope and pray that we can share Gabriela's birthday and other days with her in our future. In the meantime I grieve the distance we are from her.

hospitality

thank you for hosting us with beds and food and carseats, sweaters and pj's, bikes and locks and diapers, phones and road maps, toys and conversations and Paypal accounts thank you mèsi

specifically we'd like to thank the following people for their generosity and hospitality and for loving us even when we didn't know how to work things, being patient when we said "but in Haiti..." again, wanted to bathe in a bucket in the backyard or opened our exploding suitcase in your house

Dan Van Geest (taxi extraordinaire)
Amaryah, Brett, Eily, deGroot-Woodman
Rachel, Scott, Matthew, Kaia VandenBerg-Hulme
GREAT Oma (Jane De Lange)
Henny and Jerry and Elek De Lange/Reitsma
Marlene & Greg, Jacob, Anna!!! , Caleb
Courtney, Joel, Grayson, and Isabel Van Geest
Ted and Marge Van Geest
Nate Van Geest
Annette, Emma, Brenna
Pasty, Ephraim, Esther Orkar Sagara
Mendelt, Zion, Jacoba, and Zekijah Vanderveen Hoekstra
Ceus Westerhof (thanks for the ride, not to mention waking us up!!!)
Jeff, Mel, and Ronin Van Geest
Trevor, Rebecca, Charlotte, and Audrey WestBam
Amy Lee and Haylee
Tanya, Paul, Saffire, and Krimzin Black
Art and Thea De Groot
there are more but i'm already getting teary eyed from ALL these

"I hurt myself to see if I still feel" (Johnny Cash)

As the airplane banked into Miami, I started to experience something I had never experienced before on a return trip to Haiti – a strong and deep feeling of NOT wanting to go.

We’ve traveled back and forth to Haiti often enough over the past four years and have done lots of traveling besides that. Every other time I felt a sense of excitement to get back there – the sights, sounds, smells, work, friends – our life. This time feels different. On a rational level, I try to explain it away because of the six weeks I spent “alone” (can one ever be alone in Haiti?) in Haiti while Esther and Gabriela were in Canada, and leaving them back in Canada for the next two months. I had a great time with them – Gabriela was so much fun, and it was really good to re-connect with Esther for these two weeks. E and I talked a lot about the “what next” questions: how long do we want to stay in Haiti? Where do we want to go next? Should we try living in Canada for a while? Or do we even want to do that? All of our thoughts and feelings seem to point to not staying in Haiti for a whole lot longer – though don’t ask me to define “a whole lot longer.” These questions and doubts are certainly part of what I am feeling.

There is something deeper going on as well. I’ve been reading a book called “The Hot Zone” about a journalist (Kevin Sites) who is hired by Yahoo!News to travel to and report from 20 active wars/conflicts around the world in one year. It’s a riveting, but terribly sad tale that includes a short report from Haiti. This type of poverty pornography confuses me. It’s exciting to live in a place with such drama surrounding it – to witness first hand the ups and downs of the struggle for something better, and to be part of it if only in a tiny, tiny way. It’s fun to stand around a bonfire in rural Ontario (as I did on this past vacation) being asked about living in Haiti and trying to share and explain something beyond the CNN version of Haiti that most people see. But at the same time, something in me yearns for something different than all that drama. I can easily see myself slipping back into a “normal” life back in Canada. Or maybe somewhere different not so absurdly complicated as Haiti.

So, to drown these feelings of confusion I clicked to Linkin Park on my iPod and cranked it much too loud. The loudness helped. Then, as I strolled through the airport terminal in Miami waiting for my flight to Port au Prince, I put on something a little more chill - I was listening to Johnny Cash, until I got to “Hurt.” The first line is: “I hurt myself to see if I still feel, to focus on the pain, the only thing that’s real.” I wonder if that’s why there is still a draw to Haiti somewhere inside me, or to this kind of life and work in general. Seeing the hurt and pain helps to “keep it real” as the young kids are wont to say these days. Seems so trite, but life in Canada seems so sterile for me right now.

So as I set to board the plan for Haiti, I’m not sure how I feel about it. Confused probably sums it up. We have invested a lot of ourselves in Haiti and our story, now with Gabriela at the centre, is inextricably linked to “the poorest country in the Western hemisphere.” So thinking about not wanting to be there seems like a form of running away – all while my planes, trains and automobiles are bringing me there.

Dear Marie France Meralus, here is your darling....happily attached to the life you gave her two years ago. happy birthday and thank you.